Equanimous

The oceans swell

The winds blow 

Fierce, soft, stormy 

All at the same time 

And I swoosh and sway

Unable to stay

Equanimous 

Sometimes to the right 

Sometimes I’m more leftist 

Always, on one side or the other 

Two sides of the same coin 

Alluding of the duality

That makes this reality 

That makes me react 

To this and to that 

And I struggle to be

Equanimous 

I get sucked in 

I get pulled in 

I loose track of the awareness 

That I am not this stir within 

Or without 

The fire  burns in my heart 

Both hot and cold

Disrupting and erupting 

Unable to hold still and remain 

Equanimous 

This strife 

This struggle 

This holding on and letting go 

Cycle after cycle 

Keeping me away from Me

Muddled in obscurity 

Till the lens of the veil lifts 

And there’s nothing after all 

No action, no reaction 

Just a flow of endless being 

And I become who I always am

Equanimous 

War

 

The Great War of our times
Is the one that wages within
With me fighting myself
Neither winning
The voices of good and evil
Thundering in my head
As the devil and the saint
Befuddle my intellect
I want to run away
To a land of peace and joy
I can’t seem to get away -
From me - how can I?

The war rages on and on
Till I stop, and sit in silence
Hearing desire lure the heart
While righteousness sternly grips the mind
The man within bends from his burdens
As the little child wants to jump with joy
Passion wants to fire the belly
While caution pulls back and demands patience
The sea calls out, the mountain tops sing
The city lures with her shiny things
Love beckons with a promise of happiness forever
While the arrows of betrayal still poke and sting

I hold my breath till I sense nothing
Only peace, a quiet stillness
In that moment of illumination
Light falls upon each shadow
Revealing there’s nothing more to fight
As the mind slowly ceases to try to win
I let go, and let it flow
Into His ocean, as I swim
I end the war, the war within

Peace

Looking for peace I left the country 

To a land far away, filled with mountains and trees 

Farms and horses, even the seas and the shore 

Didn’t give me the peace I was looking for 

Looking for peace I came back home

Where care and connection would feed my soul 

Not food, nor chatter; it only made me fatter

I couldn’t find the peace that would matter 

Looking for peace I changed my profession

To this and that, it followed in succession 

Left chasing clients and conquering quests 

Still didnt find the peace to keep my mind at rest 

Looking for peace in the arms of love I chose to rest 

Felt whole and complete, for a second at best 

Went through ups  and downs, frictions and frowns 

Really not the best place to find peace in town 

Looking for peace, tired and restless 

This life went by, searching for bliss 

I stopped by the woods, rested my back on a tree 

Took a deep breath, and suddenly felt free 

In that moment, when I left the trail of the chase 

Peace found me, held me in embrace 

With each breath, not in the future nor past 

Here I was, present, peaceful at last

Pyre of Dreams

 Why can’t I let it go? Why are you at war with me about this? 

Because you need to hold on to your dream and because you deserve them in every way 

But they’re never going to happen - and there’s only pain

They will - the moment u stop believing that 

🔥 🔥 🔥

Burn away little one

Become into ash

Be buried deep into the heart of the earth 

So she can collect your wounds and let them return to nothing 

Burn away those dreams

The chains of regret that hold you back 

Set yourself free, to create new beginnings 

Burn away those sorrows

Of things not done, experiences not had, loves not fulfillled 

They occupy space within me -

I need more to create 

A life that’s meant for you 

For you to shine your beauty

For you to experience not the love of your dreams 

But the love of your life

Of a life lived with soul 

Of honesty and authenticity 

Of your voice, my voice 

Singing to the beats of the cosmos

For yours is no ordinary journey

And no ordinary dream 

Let the waters clear the debris 

To make way for my flow 

As your embark on a new journey 

Into the river of life

She

Its easy, isn’t it

to point a finger

to give blame

to appropriate shame

SHE must have done something to deserve it

and no, its not just rape or eve teasing

not the gravest deeds of them all

but the generation after generation of tradition

of the pain and blame game

that gets seeded and set forth into motion 

when the next wave reaches its shore

she forgets her desire to leave her in laws home

when she felt suffocated and crushed

by the force of the matriarch ruling the kitchen

and the law of the patriarchal code

she forgets her desire to have her own home

to decorate it as she would embellish herself

to adorn it to reflect her beauty

she forgets her shame when she was stared at

or forced to cover up, or whistled at, or followed in the early evening as she came back home from work

when she shames the girls that get eve teased on new years 

and proclaims the need to “lock them up and get them married quickly”

she forgets that she too was young, had dreams that were crushed,

had desires and ambition

when she forces the other women to give up their own 

only to become cows and mules to slave

waiting on with hands, legs, body and baited breath

for the appreciation of the men they serve

she forgets the first time when the her heart snapped and broke 

from the shock of the strike on her face

and mocks the rising from ek thappad

dismissing it as small occurrence in the big picture

she forgets she too was a woman

before she became a mother, a grandmother, a mother in law, a judge

she was the “aaj kal ki ladki” with red nail polish and a free spirit

before she became the keeper of the keys

that bind us with chains of dark history

only to be perpetuated until we come together

and save us all -  women - them, us, and those that are yet to come..

 

This, That

This goes with that

This is how it’s done 

This is where you put it 

This is how you sit little lady

This is how you sip

Cross your knees, at least your ankles 

Don’t wear your skirt up so high 

Comb that hair dear one 

Make sure your chores are done 

And clean up, look pretty 

Don’t try and be so witty

You’re looking like a gruffly boy 

Stop playing with your brothers toy

Say it softly, gently must you speak 

Mind that temper, it shows you’re weak 

Control your mouth, no filth must come out 

Agree, pleasantly and dare not shout

Aaaaarrrghhh! 

You make me want to scream

I’m as much a ragga muffin 

As a fairy queen 

Why can’t I wear pink with the yellow and blue,  

Why can’t I climb trees like the boys do?

Leave my hand, let me run freely 

The fields beckon, the trees whisper 

Come and sit with us a while

Stretch your legs and rest your back 

Let the grass tickle your skin 

Breathe in this cold dry wind

Mother, mother - Come with me 

This is where life is meant to be

We’ll bite into apples straight from the tree

And drink the spring waters and splash our faces clean 

Sing songs so loud, our voices are heard 

Travelling along with the sounds of the bird 

Stare into the deep blue skies 

Smell flowers, watch the butterflies 

Come mother come, come with me

It’s time for you to hold my hand

To help me grow into being me

And it’s time for you, to set yourself free

Rainy Days

Be practical, I was told 

A long life lies ahead that 

That needs money, security, a solid foundation 

No time to dance, no time to play

All of this won’t give you anything for the rainy day 

Sigh, oh sigh - these rainy days

When all I want to do is dance and play 

Splash the water with my feet 

And wet my chappals and splutter 

The muddy muck  from the urban river 

Onto your clean dry white canvas 

Does growing up mean I have to watch 

Little children from my window 

While I drink tea and eat the bhajiya 

And they live and jump, completely free

As the raindrops wet their little faces 

And light their hearts with such glee 

Oh what is this so called practicality 

When I was born to live completely free

Free from the bondages of what Ive been told 

Of the mirrors of the past and the dreams of a future

So secure that I can’t break past

The tight  ropes that tie me to this cast 

This mould of who I’m supposed to be

Oh when, when, can I just be me 

This rain, when it comes down in its glory 

Brightening up my sunniest days 

With pregnant clouds, thunder and deep, dark skies 

Giving life to every sentient being 

I leave my comfort - I come to dance with thee

Set me free, set me free

The Grand Finale

I want a new song, I said 

What kind, He asked 

One that I don’t have to sing all alone 

Where the range is limited by me

Where the sound is all mine 

Where the wave reaches its end 

And meets no one 

Where is the fun in that?

Wasn’t life meant to be a dance 

Of two 

A duet 

A jugalbandi 

I had always been told that was the final concert 

And yet I was never prepared for either 

Not a path of two, nor a life of one 

Was never taught to string in harmony

So I just sang alone

I’ve practiced and practiced

And perfected my performance 

I’ve learnt to be patient 

To hum in the back 

To not ask for the lead 

Or be too loud 

Can I now have the prestigious reward 

Of being tied to another 

Forever?

This is the renaissance 

The old melodies are played in halls 

Of haunted corridors and creaking floors 

Raise your voice 

And stand up tall 

Push yourself higher 

Till the sharp alto breaks snaps the cord of condition 

Push yourself harder

Till your own baritone resonates in your depths 

Embody them all

For at the end of the aria 

The song fades into the darkness 

And as you stand there 

Taking a bow 

And the lights go off

There is no other 

The SisterHood

I may not have the words to comfort you

As you bleed tears of pain 
I may not be there to hold you 
In a tight embrace and offer you strength 
I may not be able to help you 
Stand up when you’re feeling down 
And I may never be able to understand 
What you’re going through 
And how life tests you every day 
As you smile through your troubles 
And wade through the muck
On this journey we must all take alone 

But I’ll be here for you 
In a sacred circle 
Holding space 
Offering you with open arms 
A home to rest, to recuperate 
To share what you hold within 
Your joy, your sorrow, your gift 
To speak the words that may not be allowed 
To be spoken in the world out loud
I will listen, I will acknowledge 
I will laugh and I will cry
With you, my sister 
Till we heal from within, and without 
In this Sacred circle we are forever bound 

The Scar

I stare at the scar 

Patched up 

Sealed

Healed even maybe 

And I smile 

At the uprising that takes place within 

Sadness 

Grief 

Anger 

Even love at the same time 

The memory arises of the pain there was 

Of the pain that caused it 

Of the pain that it left behind 

And I smile 

Yet again 

Through that pain I met a part of me

That has the fortitude and resilience

Of a woman 

Who knows what it is to birth a child 

Through that pain I met the part of me

That has love and compassion 

As she holds herself and her sisters in a quiet embrace 

In it, I found the strength 

To gather pieces and stitch them together 

Piece by piece 

Of me

And from it, I rose

To stand tall and tell my story 

I stare at the scar with love

It’s beauty brings a tear to my eye 

I wish...

I wish I was a parking ticket

Easy to be validated

I wish I was a chubby puppy

So easy to love

I wish I was like the sun

Radiant with my own light 

I wish I was the moon

Content shining the light from another 

I wish I was a flower

Touching this world with Beauty

I wish I was a tiny bug

No one would ever see me

I wish I was the majestic mountain

Still, never missed for being gigantic 

I  wish I was tall like her

So I could walk with grace

And I wish I had her body

So I could dress with finesse 

I wish I was good at math

So I could plan my financial life

And I wish I was creative 

I expressed myself with ease

I wish I was smarter 

And stood as equal with the intellectuals 

I wish I was calmer

So I could navigate my relationships with ease

I wish I was someone else

Who didn’t have these words to pen

In all these wishes the only wish I really had

Was that I wish I wasn’t me

I wish I wasn’t ashamed 

Of the choices I made when I was younger

I wish I wasn’t embarrassed  

Of the pain that still scars my wrist

I wish I wasn’t scared

Of the voices that screamed even in my dreams

I wish I wasn’t guilty 

When I wasn’t even involved

I wish I had said no

When I didn’t want to say yes

I wish I had pushed back

When I wanted to build a wall

I wish I had forgiven

Instead of letting it rot

I wish I has spoken 

Instead of maintaining peace

I wish I was silent

When all I released was poison

I wish I had held back

When I raised my hand in despair

I wish I had opened my arms

When I really wanted to be held

I wish I had stood up

Instead of staying down

In all these wishes the only wish I really had

Was that I wish I has just been happy to be Me

Non-Sense

You don’t understand, for you cannot see

The world beyond the ordinary 

Of fairies, of pixies, of devas in trees

Of the deep jungles that hold the mysteries 

Of the crystal fountains that give breath and life 

You don’t understand, for you cannot hear 

The HAM of the universe 

Of shiv, of parvati 

Of the heart beating and pulsating 

As they dance to the rhythm of the songs beyond 

You don’t understand, for you cannot feel 

The winds speaking as they touch your body

The vibration of life making its way thru every fabric of creation 

Yet you breathe, ye know not what 

You don’t understand, for you cannot smell 

The sweet fragrance of her blessings 

His omnipotent Presence 

In each flower that beholds His unique imprint 

You don’t understand, and you never will 

Until you close your eyes and mind 

And open your heart to that what lies 

Beyond this world of struggle and strife 

There in the midst of the field of chaos

Magick awaits; some call it theos 

You wear your straight jacket, and ease it’s crease 

And ignore the wave of the sweet breeze 

You call me crazy, strange at best 

As I sit down and want to rest 

Lost in the world of imagination 

Of magick and of creation 

Of fairies and pixies and those little playful elves 

When Spirit Descends

When Spirit descends 

The hand starts to move 

Colours spray themselves on the canvas 

Shape forms 

Textures layer themselves upon each other 

And a painting comes to life 

Proportion and geometry meet each other in perfect angles 

And curves bend to the laws of nature 

A central force pushes its boundary 

And encapsulates itself into the Bindu 

A yantra is formed 

Words fall upon paper

Metaphors expand into awareness 

They rhyme sometimes 

But always have a rhythm 

A poem is written 

The melody follows the beat of the drum

The piano plays the tune

The ensemble picks up where the song finishes 

The music lives on to sing 

When spirit descends 

Millions of tiny little sparks light up the universe 

With beauty and expression 

Life emerges

Alive

 

You could be alive, yet dead inside

Your coffers could be filled with the rarest of them gems

And yet your heart, as empty as them pens

With no ink to write another story

 Your life could be surrounded by people of name

Your home filled with the whose who of fame

Yet your heart could not have one it could call

To share your happiness, your sadness, your rise, your fall

You could be alive, yet dead inside

You could wake up, and yet never rise

To embrace life, to live it for each moment

Open your eyes, your soul awaits

Not for you to watch the movies others make

To be moved by their tales of adventure

But to write your own, to traverse the unknown 

To walk up the mountain that seems too high

To follow your heart - sing your own song

Break bread with strangers, sit by a fire as you stay warm

This is the heat that keeps Spirit moving on…

You could be alive, yet dead inside

If you don’t wake up, and finally rise. 

Silence

My body needs to rest

My soul needs to heal

To step away from the humdrum

Into a quiet retreat

Get some quiet, they say

Some get their peace there

Some feel haunted 

Like the walls are closing in 

I want some quiet too

To be alone with myself 

The sounds of the woods

The silence of the trees

The silence of the ocean

My soul feels beckoned to lie in

I need the silence of the underwater

Not the silence of loneliness

Not all silence is golden

There is a taste to the quiet

Some silence brings joy

Some pain

 

Out comes the grief, sadness, and shame

Memories, dreams, everything insane

Then comes a moment of zero thought

From there I can, begin again