Non-Sense

You don’t understand, for you cannot see

The world beyond the ordinary 

Of fairies, of pixies, of devas in trees

Of the deep jungles that hold the mysteries 

Of the crystal fountains that give breath and life 

You don’t understand, for you cannot hear 

The HAM of the universe 

Of shiv, of parvati 

Of the heart beating and pulsating 

As they dance to the rhythm of the songs beyond 

You don’t understand, for you cannot feel 

The winds speaking as they touch your body

The vibration of life making its way thru every fabric of creation 

Yet you breathe, ye know not what 

You don’t understand, for you cannot smell 

The sweet fragrance of her blessings 

His omnipotent Presence 

In each flower that beholds His unique imprint 

You don’t understand, and you never will 

Until you close your eyes and mind 

And open your heart to that what lies 

Beyond this world of struggle and strife 

There in the midst of the field of chaos

Magick awaits; some call it theos 

You wear your straight jacket, and ease it’s crease 

And ignore the wave of the sweet breeze 

You call me crazy, strange at best 

As I sit down and want to rest 

Lost in the world of imagination 

Of magick and of creation 

Of fairies and pixies and those little playful elves 

Silence

My body needs to rest

My soul needs to heal

To step away from the humdrum

Into a quiet retreat

Get some quiet, they say

Some get their peace there

Some feel haunted 

Like the walls are closing in 

I want some quiet too

To be alone with myself 

The sounds of the woods

The silence of the trees

The silence of the ocean

My soul feels beckoned to lie in

I need the silence of the underwater

Not the silence of loneliness

Not all silence is golden

There is a taste to the quiet

Some silence brings joy

Some pain

 

Out comes the grief, sadness, and shame

Memories, dreams, everything insane

Then comes a moment of zero thought

From there I can, begin again

My Tryst with Vipassana

I had gone into vipassana with a lot of hesitation and fear. Almost like it was a punishment that I had to suffer through, especially since people had told me stories of how you go crazy and the silence is really hard to maintain. It was actually quite the opposite. 

First about the technique itself and how it's taught - the method and the gradual build up make it really powerful - you first learn to focus and observe and work with your mind before going into the actual technique. It's testing both physically and mentally, but the beauty is that in the daily discourses Goenkaji actually tells you what is going on inside of you - scientifically(?!) as well as in Buddhas experience of it. Through the discourses he explains how Buddha used this technique to gain enlightenment - transcending all suffering that arises from ignorance - the attachment of craving and the displeasure of aversions. We feel both craving and aversions in our lives without realising that these are both impermanent. This causes us to build more Sanskaras and each time we react we deepen the Sanskaras, creating karma. Vipassana teaches you to use your own body's sensations and by maintaining equanimity towards both the good and the bad sensations, to slowly slowly get rid of our sankaras created and carried over lifetimes. As you slowly maintain equanimity toward to the pleasurable feeling during the light floating vibrations as well as the physically testing pains of sitting still without movement for an hour, you realise that both pass, both are transient and you just observe without reaction. You instead observe, analyse and inspect the pain with complete equanimity. Therefore a good meditation isn't one where you feel good and light, but one where you observe with full awareness (vipassana actually means seeing things as they are) and maintaining complete equanimity.  Slowly this becomes the way to live your life as well. 

He also explains the relationship between our senses (body) and the mind and the outside world and how by using vipassana and realising the Truth of phenomenon, Buddha was able to free himself from karma, and therefore the cycle of life and death.  (It's quite beautiful and I don't want to kill it for anyone who wants to go - so will not go into details)

Since I've been to tushita and kept silence before,it didn't bother me too much. Having Gopika around was tempting - we smiled maybe twice and I broke silence once only to tell her on the second day that it's too small a place to avoid each other. After that till the last day, we would be next to each other, head down, and it really wasn't a problem. 

The silence actually helps you to stay with yourself. I think a lot and almost in all my alone time live in a land of fantasy. I observed this behaviour pattern play itself out and hopefully have left it behind. 

Lots of dreams, inner children (that I did chat with), memories came up - healed hopefully! 

My test was the noise. The Pune riverside center is surrounded by a really party village with no loudspeaker laws. All night they'd have something going on and 6 nights I had almost no sleep. I finally went to the guruji and told him that instead of dropping attachments I was adding on more every night from crying and frustration from this sound (it was even Hindi or English music that I could understand or hum) - he told me to simply practice in bed before sleep and see what happens. The first time I did that I felt like my body was floating about a foot above me and wasn't really physical anymore. It was a layer of vibrations. I'm not even sure if there was any music after that! According to Goenkaji in one of the discourses, this experience is that of the true nature of matter. As science now knows, we are all energy, the physical form is of denser particles and we can only "know" this by true self experience - this was what I was experiencing.  Vipassana is supposed to be the tool to experience the true nature of life at the level of self, and therefore making it a personally realised truth - the only way to moving toward enlightenment. 

Not eating cereal was hard (I was on a restricted diet for other reasons including testing my will power) cause the food looked so good! But I think it served me well cause I found a determination that I didn't think I still had. I think I've gained some perspective about my own minds thought  and behaviour patterns - almost as if I was observing it from the outside.  My mind isn't racing anymore and I haven't moved into fantasy land even once in the last 3 days even when I've been completely bored. When I do start, I'm able to recognise it immediately and use the technique to come back completely into the present. 

I still have a backache which I developed there but it's ebbing. Our Sanskaras come out as pains and as we maintain equanimity toward them they start to go away. By not reacting anymore we don't create new ones, and then the old stored ones come out. Slowly slowly we release them one by one... one step closer to nirvana :)

Sound of Silence

These lines have been inspired by my vipassna experience. They do not reflect or speak of the technique or it's principles and philosophy, just of my experience. 

The sound of silence has a hum

It beats with your heart along a strum 

Sometimes a whisper, sometimes a drum 

The sound of silence has a tick tock

Moment to moment you hear only the clock 

Brings in the peace as life's cradle does rock

The sound of silence has a step 

It moves along with the rise of each breath 

Only to part at the time of death

The sound of silence is your best friend 

To tame the monkey your mind is, it's ways to mend

To not race, to waver, to fly into fantasy, as it usually tends 

The sound of silence has a wave 

As into your mind the pathways you pave 

Into the treasures where deep secrets are saved 

The sound of silence is where it all begins

Before the noise, the hum of silence rings 

And then starts the final ending...

The Unproductive Peace

Hapiness, by most world statistics, appears to be a combination of peace, love (family and friends), natural space which in turn translates to physical fitness and better health. While most of the references are directly to inner peace, I'm more and more intrigued by why the burden for peace lies solely not only with, but within the individual. 

Why should one not demand for external peace and quiet? Is there some corelation between the noise and stress, and the thriving within chaos as a style of productivity that doesn't allow for silence as a common practice? And lastly, as a people, are Indians uncomfortable with, or worse, afraid of silence?

I'm going to tackle this backward. A community, proud of its rich traditions and family life, has it's foundations sown in the heart of the joint family. Whether tradition, or a modern day reality arising from financial restrictions, the happy every day table sit down dinners, and the doing-everything-together mentality still exists within today's people. Lending itself, to what I believe, is an individual who may be independent thinking, but is innately co dependent on people for everyday activities and living. Whether it is sitting alone and reading in a cafe, or shopping alone, or simply sitting and staring,alone, in a public place. Looked up as lonely and strange, possibly wierd and friendless, there is an instant distrust of peace and quiet this lone individual stands for. 

Taking this and putting it into a broader perspective, I've often wondered why people stuck in long lines of traffic keep honking? It's not simply impatience to get to the destination, for surely they don't believe that honking is a force that will propel the traffic line forward. I truly doubt that they think the cars up ahead are not moving at the first possible chance to inch ahead. Is the impatience displayed here, and in so many other every day situations, a discomfort with stillness, peace - with silence? 

While the mind races with a million thoughts, the tounge connected with the mind in some way, works very hard to catch up. Just like the urge to pointless honk, we have an incessant need to chatter. Put together all the chatter, the impatient honking, the loud music - and there it is, cacophony and chaos. 

We simply thrive in chaos!  Apparently. Chaos creates the need for bringing about a state of stability, which by nature of the world we live in, is ephemeral. It also creates stress (not limited to a person), which in turn needs to be managed. Whenever there is a need for something to be managed, people come to the forefront to do so. Chaos creates competition, leaders, innovation, and possibly generates money. Stress drives people to achieve more, to act sooner and to respond faster. And my question is, does it really? Do we truly believe we thrive in this state of disharmony? 

Put it all together and it therefore seems unnatural and unrealistic to want some peace and silence. It seems to defy productivity. Maybe that's why developing nations don't allow you to demand this as a right, because it'll affect the stress, the drive, the ambition and eventually the economic growth, which is today the only way to figure wether a country and it's people will continue to survive. 

Happiness is another story. I found mine in the silent 30 min I took to write this. Momentarily, until the car behind me started to honk.