The Opposite of Love

I've always assumed, like most people, that hate is the opposite of love. The feeling that you feel for someone at the opposite end of the love spectrum is naturally hate, and therefore logically deducing that hate is the natural opposite of love. 

Sometime in this last year, I've been hearing and reading that fear and not hate, is the opposite of love. There are days when this makes sense, and there are days when I'm left very confused. Today had some semblance of clarity... 

At the core of this rather unclear statement lie all the negative emotions - hate, anger, resentment - that you may feel toward a person, an incident, an experience or simply an idea; emotions that you ought to have let go off. The fact that you hold on to these emotions indicates that something prevents you for letting go. That underlying something is fear! 

Fear holds you back. Fear prevents you from seeking your true self and life; from letting go of those negative emotions and allowing yourself to be free from them. The idea of nothingness is scary... The hate, anger and resentment are easier to hold onto cause they make you still feel, or still feel connected. 

When you love something or someone, or truly want something, you pursue it with all your heart. When you don't, the thought form that stops you is fear - fear of failure, fear of heartbreak, fear of rejection, fear of feeling something new. The fear of change. The known hells are seemingly more comfortable than unknown territories. 

My last note on this is rather personal. I've always felt that when I hate or criticize someone, somewhere within there is a voice that asks if what really bothers me about the situation is the other person, or a nagging fear that somewhere what has angered me about someone actually may lie within me, and that causes great anxiety which then lashes out onto the other person. It's scary to know that what you like least in others could actually be inside you as well. The fear then is expressed as hate or anger or resentment - all of which are at the other end of love. At the opposite end though sitting atop the throne of negative feelings, is fear! 

Anxiety about the future causes me great stress. I'm constantly scared about what will be, what tomorrow will bring, what may happen. Instead of loving and living today, I spend my time scared of tomorrow. Fear takes out the love from everyday life! You don't even need to hate or be angry. 

Let go of fear, you'll be left with love! 

Sachin and The Lost Hero

Children's Day often makes you think about the future of today's children. Who will they grow up to be? What will they make of themselves? Will they make a difference and will they change the world?

As Sachin Tendulkar, India's greatest ever home born and bred idol, takes stand on the crease for the last time - you ought to wonder... Will there ever be another? And if not, who will today's children want to grow up and be?

One billion people. One idol. Not too many other contenders are a close second. And definitely none of the far contenders are women. 

Between the politicians who are of negligible idolistic value but pioneers in idolisation (self or otherwise); actress's who can typically be admired for their ability to look amazing and dance really well; some sportspersons scattered and can be counted on half the fingers of one hand - the young girls of this country really have no one to look upto. 

I actually believe that surprisingly enough, women in business form the greatest leadership and aspirational group we can possibly imagine. They have power, intellect, an understanding of real issues and real women. They don't care about valentines day, skimpy clothes, and related issues that usually concern women's groups. Then why are they so quiet and isolated from public eye? 

There's a lack of glamour associated with great intellect. Maybe the solution is to create a red carpet night of India's power women, dress them in Dior and Valentino, post them onto the covers of Vogue and Cosmopolitan - make it hot and cool to be powerful!! Make it glamorous to be in the boardroom. Make it ok for hardworking, smart, powerful women to be looked upto and admired by the candy flossed generation. 

Hope Sachin makes a hundred tomorrow. 

Guilt: Wrapped or Warped?

One of the most effective ways to touch upon an emotional chord and make someone do something they don't really want to, but for some reason feel they should, is the universal anti - good feeling of guilt. In my mind, in the same way people say fear is the opposite of love, guilt is the opposite of happiness. 

You'll often have people tell you to not allow other people to make you feel bad about something. Guilt is an emotional manipulation tool, imbibed into the core of people. 

Then there is that voice, where one part of your mind silently tells the other that your being a little too happy. That your being a little too self indulgent and a bad mom if you want a day away from your two year old. The voice that says that you should not buy the new iphone cause your old phone is just fine, especially since no one else in your family is getting a new one. The voice that says that you are so tired that you could fall, but you can't tell your mother in law that you'd just rather order dinner than cook it, and worse, eat it quietly watching tv in your room after a long day at work. 

At work, it's the voice that says that your boss should not be sharing your burden of work. Or the one that says that your neglecting work if you decide to be selfish and go to the gym past 8 pm, to leave things to be done the next day. 

These are simply just not acceptable things to say or do. 

Says who? 

That nagging voice in your head is you! 

No matter what people say, the feeling of being guilty only becomes real when it is powered by your own lack of self belief. 

If you truly believe in your own happiness, and the pleasures, attitudes, choices you seek that make you happy may also make you a little selfish, it ought to be ok. The next time that warped voice in your head questions your own happiness and well being, unless it's about a piece of cake, go ahead and shut it up. If you wrap yourself in guilt, you'll only realise another day that your only guilty for the joy you denied yourself. 

No one else will even know the difference. 

The Unproductive Peace

Hapiness, by most world statistics, appears to be a combination of peace, love (family and friends), natural space which in turn translates to physical fitness and better health. While most of the references are directly to inner peace, I'm more and more intrigued by why the burden for peace lies solely not only with, but within the individual. 

Why should one not demand for external peace and quiet? Is there some corelation between the noise and stress, and the thriving within chaos as a style of productivity that doesn't allow for silence as a common practice? And lastly, as a people, are Indians uncomfortable with, or worse, afraid of silence?

I'm going to tackle this backward. A community, proud of its rich traditions and family life, has it's foundations sown in the heart of the joint family. Whether tradition, or a modern day reality arising from financial restrictions, the happy every day table sit down dinners, and the doing-everything-together mentality still exists within today's people. Lending itself, to what I believe, is an individual who may be independent thinking, but is innately co dependent on people for everyday activities and living. Whether it is sitting alone and reading in a cafe, or shopping alone, or simply sitting and staring,alone, in a public place. Looked up as lonely and strange, possibly wierd and friendless, there is an instant distrust of peace and quiet this lone individual stands for. 

Taking this and putting it into a broader perspective, I've often wondered why people stuck in long lines of traffic keep honking? It's not simply impatience to get to the destination, for surely they don't believe that honking is a force that will propel the traffic line forward. I truly doubt that they think the cars up ahead are not moving at the first possible chance to inch ahead. Is the impatience displayed here, and in so many other every day situations, a discomfort with stillness, peace - with silence? 

While the mind races with a million thoughts, the tounge connected with the mind in some way, works very hard to catch up. Just like the urge to pointless honk, we have an incessant need to chatter. Put together all the chatter, the impatient honking, the loud music - and there it is, cacophony and chaos. 

We simply thrive in chaos!  Apparently. Chaos creates the need for bringing about a state of stability, which by nature of the world we live in, is ephemeral. It also creates stress (not limited to a person), which in turn needs to be managed. Whenever there is a need for something to be managed, people come to the forefront to do so. Chaos creates competition, leaders, innovation, and possibly generates money. Stress drives people to achieve more, to act sooner and to respond faster. And my question is, does it really? Do we truly believe we thrive in this state of disharmony? 

Put it all together and it therefore seems unnatural and unrealistic to want some peace and silence. It seems to defy productivity. Maybe that's why developing nations don't allow you to demand this as a right, because it'll affect the stress, the drive, the ambition and eventually the economic growth, which is today the only way to figure wether a country and it's people will continue to survive. 

Happiness is another story. I found mine in the silent 30 min I took to write this. Momentarily, until the car behind me started to honk. 

Fundas of the Karmic Law

As Hindus, Indians strongly believe in the concept of Karma. Until about a year ago, I wasn't sure what Karma actually meant and did not believe in the existence of this rather mathematical esoteric equation. I don't understand religion; I also don't follow blind faith. But over the course of two years, I've come to some basic conclusions forming my own belief system. Not without a crazy amount of resistance and questioning...

We all know people who live blissfully ignorant happy lives - under the burden of corruption, murder, treachery, lies, or simply disdain. If we were to do onto others as we want done onto ourselves, this then would eliminate any existence of the resolution of our karmic debts in one lifetime. To truly understand Karma, for all the avoidance of religion, the greater Truth lies in the Bhagwad Gita. 

The first appearance of Karma comes in the Bhagwad Gita. To truly understand the sow and reap mechanism of words, deeds, actions, you need to accept that there was life before this one, and there will, in all likelihood, be one after, the quality of which, to some extent, is determined by your past and present karma! Let's assume, for now, that this is true. 

Here's my quick understanding:

1. You only control your own Karma

You cant know the past and future details of other peoples choices, nor can you understand the state their life is in. You can only determine your choices and hence your own Karma. One of the biggest mistakes I've made is look at people and wonder, why me and not them? 

2. You will pay for your past

You may not understand why something is happening to you, but know that there are lessons to be learnt and therein is the greatest secret. Learn your lessons, and move on.... pay your karmic debts. Acceptance and growth, versus resistance is the way to simply live through everything that comes you to in life. Lessons are not easy, and often hit you hardest, till you learn them and allow them to change something in your core (Soul?)

3. Loving Kindness & Forgiveness

You want to beat the law of Karma for things you may have said or done? Start today! Whatever has to manifest will manifest itself but you can afford some control -the seeds of love, mercy and forgiveness will reap fruits for you here as well, in this life and maybe the ones that follow. This is possibly the only way to negate previous bad karma. 

Be good. 

That still remains the bottom line. And somewhere the Gita also says that detach yourself from the consequences, but that is for discussion on another day.