Promises

There’s a fire within 
Which is raging 
Like a wild horse 
That can’t be held back anymore 
Testing limits
Pushing boundaries 
Willing to break free from bondage 
And galloping into the ocean 
Sending ripples in all directions 

She sits and wonders 
As she stares out of the window 
Sipping her afternoon tea 
What does this stirring mean? 
It can’t be held back, it can’t be contained 
Can she go and explore her wildness 
Her body, her mind, her soul? 

The flames hiss and rise
Touching the sky
The unmet potential 
Waiting to be unleashed 
The sleeping snake can’t wait to uncoil 
And make its way up 
To fulfil its destiny 

She can’t wait no more 
For them to understand 
For permission to be granted  
To seek happiness, to find herself  
Where she is not defined by the roles she plays 
Glorified as the mother and the martyr 
Will she set herself free? 

The doorbell rings, 
The tea has gotten cold 
And the kids are back home from school 
She ties her hair into a neat bun 
Meals to figure, homework to be done 
The fire turns the dream to ashes 
Which she sweeps under the carpet 
Someday, she says, 
She promises herself…

Betrayal

To the little girl 
Whose dreams I couldn’t  fulfil 

Whose eyes of wonder are filled with tears 

Which I didn’t wipe when she needed me the most

Who I didn’t hold, when she was hurt

Who I didn’t love, with my whole being 

Who I shamed when she didnt make me proud  

And blamed when he broke her heart 

Who I hurt - unknowingly - in so many ways 

For I didn’t know any better then 

In that pain, I was also broken 

I’m sorry I didn’t stand up for you 

I’m sorry I didn’t let you speak your mind

I let you feel small and I let you feel bad 

I let you cry alone when you were sad 

I didn’t know how to help you fit in 

I didn’t know it would be better if you didn’t 

I pushed you to take the fall 

Because I too afraid to make the call 

Let me apologise, don’t stop me today

Together then we will find a way 

To love you and to honour me 

So we can live authentically 

I set you free, o little one 

Of all the memories I trapped you in 

Held you back, didn’t let you grow

Too afraid to let you go 

To everything you didn’t achieve 

To all the heights you didn’t reach 

Those roads were not our path to travel 

We wait now, for life to unravel 

Merge within me, while we take a chance 

Sing with me, do the happy dance 

I dream again, for us both

Come little girl, come on forth 

Equanimous

The oceans swell

The winds blow 

Fierce, soft, stormy 

All at the same time 

And I swoosh and sway

Unable to stay

Equanimous 

Sometimes to the right 

Sometimes I’m more leftist 

Always, on one side or the other 

Two sides of the same coin 

Alluding of the duality

That makes this reality 

That makes me react 

To this and to that 

And I struggle to be

Equanimous 

I get sucked in 

I get pulled in 

I loose track of the awareness 

That I am not this stir within 

Or without 

The fire  burns in my heart 

Both hot and cold

Disrupting and erupting 

Unable to hold still and remain 

Equanimous 

This strife 

This struggle 

This holding on and letting go 

Cycle after cycle 

Keeping me away from Me

Muddled in obscurity 

Till the lens of the veil lifts 

And there’s nothing after all 

No action, no reaction 

Just a flow of endless being 

And I become who I always am

Equanimous 

War

 

The Great War of our times
Is the one that wages within
With me fighting myself
Neither winning
The voices of good and evil
Thundering in my head
As the devil and the saint
Befuddle my intellect
I want to run away
To a land of peace and joy
I can’t seem to get away -
From me - how can I?

The war rages on and on
Till I stop, and sit in silence
Hearing desire lure the heart
While righteousness sternly grips the mind
The man within bends from his burdens
As the little child wants to jump with joy
Passion wants to fire the belly
While caution pulls back and demands patience
The sea calls out, the mountain tops sing
The city lures with her shiny things
Love beckons with a promise of happiness forever
While the arrows of betrayal still poke and sting

I hold my breath till I sense nothing
Only peace, a quiet stillness
In that moment of illumination
Light falls upon each shadow
Revealing there’s nothing more to fight
As the mind slowly ceases to try to win
I let go, and let it flow
Into His ocean, as I swim
I end the war, the war within

Peace

Looking for peace I left the country 

To a land far away, filled with mountains and trees 

Farms and horses, even the seas and the shore 

Didn’t give me the peace I was looking for 

Looking for peace I came back home

Where care and connection would feed my soul 

Not food, nor chatter; it only made me fatter

I couldn’t find the peace that would matter 

Looking for peace I changed my profession

To this and that, it followed in succession 

Left chasing clients and conquering quests 

Still didnt find the peace to keep my mind at rest 

Looking for peace in the arms of love I chose to rest 

Felt whole and complete, for a second at best 

Went through ups  and downs, frictions and frowns 

Really not the best place to find peace in town 

Looking for peace, tired and restless 

This life went by, searching for bliss 

I stopped by the woods, rested my back on a tree 

Took a deep breath, and suddenly felt free 

In that moment, when I left the trail of the chase 

Peace found me, held me in embrace 

With each breath, not in the future nor past 

Here I was, present, peaceful at last

Pyre of Dreams

 Why can’t I let it go? Why are you at war with me about this? 

Because you need to hold on to your dream and because you deserve them in every way 

But they’re never going to happen - and there’s only pain

They will - the moment u stop believing that 

🔥 🔥 🔥

Burn away little one

Become into ash

Be buried deep into the heart of the earth 

So she can collect your wounds and let them return to nothing 

Burn away those dreams

The chains of regret that hold you back 

Set yourself free, to create new beginnings 

Burn away those sorrows

Of things not done, experiences not had, loves not fulfillled 

They occupy space within me -

I need more to create 

A life that’s meant for you 

For you to shine your beauty

For you to experience not the love of your dreams 

But the love of your life

Of a life lived with soul 

Of honesty and authenticity 

Of your voice, my voice 

Singing to the beats of the cosmos

For yours is no ordinary journey

And no ordinary dream 

Let the waters clear the debris 

To make way for my flow 

As your embark on a new journey 

Into the river of life

She

Its easy, isn’t it

to point a finger

to give blame

to appropriate shame

SHE must have done something to deserve it

and no, its not just rape or eve teasing

not the gravest deeds of them all

but the generation after generation of tradition

of the pain and blame game

that gets seeded and set forth into motion 

when the next wave reaches its shore

she forgets her desire to leave her in laws home

when she felt suffocated and crushed

by the force of the matriarch ruling the kitchen

and the law of the patriarchal code

she forgets her desire to have her own home

to decorate it as she would embellish herself

to adorn it to reflect her beauty

she forgets her shame when she was stared at

or forced to cover up, or whistled at, or followed in the early evening as she came back home from work

when she shames the girls that get eve teased on new years 

and proclaims the need to “lock them up and get them married quickly”

she forgets that she too was young, had dreams that were crushed,

had desires and ambition

when she forces the other women to give up their own 

only to become cows and mules to slave

waiting on with hands, legs, body and baited breath

for the appreciation of the men they serve

she forgets the first time when the her heart snapped and broke 

from the shock of the strike on her face

and mocks the rising from ek thappad

dismissing it as small occurrence in the big picture

she forgets she too was a woman

before she became a mother, a grandmother, a mother in law, a judge

she was the “aaj kal ki ladki” with red nail polish and a free spirit

before she became the keeper of the keys

that bind us with chains of dark history

only to be perpetuated until we come together

and save us all -  women - them, us, and those that are yet to come..