Non-Sense

You don’t understand, for you cannot see

The world beyond the ordinary 

Of fairies, of pixies, of devas in trees

Of the deep jungles that hold the mysteries 

Of the crystal fountains that give breath and life 

You don’t understand, for you cannot hear 

The HAM of the universe 

Of shiv, of parvati 

Of the heart beating and pulsating 

As they dance to the rhythm of the songs beyond 

You don’t understand, for you cannot feel 

The winds speaking as they touch your body

The vibration of life making its way thru every fabric of creation 

Yet you breathe, ye know not what 

You don’t understand, for you cannot smell 

The sweet fragrance of her blessings 

His omnipotent Presence 

In each flower that beholds His unique imprint 

You don’t understand, and you never will 

Until you close your eyes and mind 

And open your heart to that what lies 

Beyond this world of struggle and strife 

There in the midst of the field of chaos

Magick awaits; some call it theos 

You wear your straight jacket, and ease it’s crease 

And ignore the wave of the sweet breeze 

You call me crazy, strange at best 

As I sit down and want to rest 

Lost in the world of imagination 

Of magick and of creation 

Of fairies and pixies and those little playful elves 

My Tryst with Vipassana

I had gone into vipassana with a lot of hesitation and fear. Almost like it was a punishment that I had to suffer through, especially since people had told me stories of how you go crazy and the silence is really hard to maintain. It was actually quite the opposite. 

First about the technique itself and how it's taught - the method and the gradual build up make it really powerful - you first learn to focus and observe and work with your mind before going into the actual technique. It's testing both physically and mentally, but the beauty is that in the daily discourses Goenkaji actually tells you what is going on inside of you - scientifically(?!) as well as in Buddhas experience of it. Through the discourses he explains how Buddha used this technique to gain enlightenment - transcending all suffering that arises from ignorance - the attachment of craving and the displeasure of aversions. We feel both craving and aversions in our lives without realising that these are both impermanent. This causes us to build more Sanskaras and each time we react we deepen the Sanskaras, creating karma. Vipassana teaches you to use your own body's sensations and by maintaining equanimity towards both the good and the bad sensations, to slowly slowly get rid of our sankaras created and carried over lifetimes. As you slowly maintain equanimity toward to the pleasurable feeling during the light floating vibrations as well as the physically testing pains of sitting still without movement for an hour, you realise that both pass, both are transient and you just observe without reaction. You instead observe, analyse and inspect the pain with complete equanimity. Therefore a good meditation isn't one where you feel good and light, but one where you observe with full awareness (vipassana actually means seeing things as they are) and maintaining complete equanimity.  Slowly this becomes the way to live your life as well. 

He also explains the relationship between our senses (body) and the mind and the outside world and how by using vipassana and realising the Truth of phenomenon, Buddha was able to free himself from karma, and therefore the cycle of life and death.  (It's quite beautiful and I don't want to kill it for anyone who wants to go - so will not go into details)

Since I've been to tushita and kept silence before,it didn't bother me too much. Having Gopika around was tempting - we smiled maybe twice and I broke silence once only to tell her on the second day that it's too small a place to avoid each other. After that till the last day, we would be next to each other, head down, and it really wasn't a problem. 

The silence actually helps you to stay with yourself. I think a lot and almost in all my alone time live in a land of fantasy. I observed this behaviour pattern play itself out and hopefully have left it behind. 

Lots of dreams, inner children (that I did chat with), memories came up - healed hopefully! 

My test was the noise. The Pune riverside center is surrounded by a really party village with no loudspeaker laws. All night they'd have something going on and 6 nights I had almost no sleep. I finally went to the guruji and told him that instead of dropping attachments I was adding on more every night from crying and frustration from this sound (it was even Hindi or English music that I could understand or hum) - he told me to simply practice in bed before sleep and see what happens. The first time I did that I felt like my body was floating about a foot above me and wasn't really physical anymore. It was a layer of vibrations. I'm not even sure if there was any music after that! According to Goenkaji in one of the discourses, this experience is that of the true nature of matter. As science now knows, we are all energy, the physical form is of denser particles and we can only "know" this by true self experience - this was what I was experiencing.  Vipassana is supposed to be the tool to experience the true nature of life at the level of self, and therefore making it a personally realised truth - the only way to moving toward enlightenment. 

Not eating cereal was hard (I was on a restricted diet for other reasons including testing my will power) cause the food looked so good! But I think it served me well cause I found a determination that I didn't think I still had. I think I've gained some perspective about my own minds thought  and behaviour patterns - almost as if I was observing it from the outside.  My mind isn't racing anymore and I haven't moved into fantasy land even once in the last 3 days even when I've been completely bored. When I do start, I'm able to recognise it immediately and use the technique to come back completely into the present. 

I still have a backache which I developed there but it's ebbing. Our Sanskaras come out as pains and as we maintain equanimity toward them they start to go away. By not reacting anymore we don't create new ones, and then the old stored ones come out. Slowly slowly we release them one by one... one step closer to nirvana :)

Proof of a God

Someone put this up today. And stirred a fire in my belly. I reacted with words that offered no console, and no proof. I undid all my reactions and then thought of the struggle that our personalities go through - a struggle of faith - and we then label this personality as atheist,  agnostic, non-believer and worse of all, scientist. 

Let's work with atheist. If you ask science or religion or anyone else for proof of the existence of a God then know that you can't be atheist. Your at best agnostic for lack of a better word. Unfortunately, and much to your despair, by the mere fact that you question and ask, you leave place for doubt. And that's shifts your belief completely, creating the space for a chance that you may find your answer. 

Unfortunately, those that believe that science or religion will provide that answer will be left empty handed. Science can only work with what the physical senses can acknowledge and further to that, with machines that can capture the intricacies of what we cannot perceive with the outwardly senses. And that's why we know what protons and neutrons are, and how the amoeba and our DNA are structured. 

Science cannot prove the existence of love. Yet, conditional or unconditional, we all feel love. If not for our partners, for our pets and children. Respect, separate from love. And each of these emotions are all real cause we feel them. Inside of ourselves. Within our souls, maybe? ;)

Religion on the other hand has banned science from the exploration of all things esoteric. The mystical ways of the world are matters of the church and not of science. Historically, we know that religion has been used by most clergy, whether the church or the Brahmin caste, to control masses, to create fear, and in that to create the greatest gap between people and their individual relationship with God. Leading people to believe that somehow only through realised beings such as the clergy themselves, can God speak and connect. Therefore should and can religion be trusted with the burden of proof? 

An agnostic has hope. He awaits that somehow religion or science or whoever it might be will come up with an answer to this existential question: is there a God? And how can we prove that? 

Before Newton discovered Gravity, there was gravity. It existed every day, and every moment. Yet only when he actually investigated it, and looked for the many ways that it influenced life, did he put a name and number to it. That's science.The forces of nature, the forces of life, all continue to exist and evolve whether science understands or accepts them. Science is an aftermath. 

Let your journey to find God be the same. The burden of proof lies with you and not with science or religion. Whether you look for a form outside of yourself or find the Divinity within, or just look at the magic around you in each moment, with each breath you take, when you feel love, hope, or the lack of it, ask God to show you. When you leave the proof of burden on God, and wait for your very own miracle, it'll happen. Another great scientist said, "Coincidences are Gods way of remaining anonymous."