Life, and life

If only life were that simple
And I didn't have to endure
My lessons, my karma,
If only I was sure
That this round of working
On myself and my issues
Would peel the layers one last time
Finishing up my last box of tissues
Feeling the pain and healing the core
Would ease it all away
Ah so naive my thought was
So easily I could sway

It never ends, does it
It's not really like an onion peel
It's a spiral that holds u in the center
With each turn, another one u see
It's a lifelong worths of lessons to be learnt
A lifetimes worth of self polishing
And when this round is done and you think it's over
All you're doing is waiting
For another opportunity to come one more time
To be born, to live, to die, to create another rhyme.

Three Big Words

Big words that aren't so simple to follow
Especially when the insides feel hollow

Surrender they say, u must do
Ok, I said, but to who?
I don't know yet of a god looking out for me
Clearly my life isn't an example of grace, u see
I'm stuck in a rut
I'm fearful in my gut
How do I survive if I have to let go
It would only but cause my anxiety to grow

Forgive, they say, for your heart is blocked
It's the only way to unfold love that's locked
But my life is mess
Only filled with stress
I'm angry at them all
I'm trying to build a wall
So I can't be wronged no more
By family and friends galore
They're seemingly all doing fine
I'm stuck with doing all the cryin'

Gratitude, they say, is an absolute must
Without it, a part of you will rust
But what can I be thankful for
I've only seen pain and been hurt before
My life has been such a no ball
Everyone else I know has it all
When I compare all I see
How it should have turned out for me
How it hasn't and that makes me resent
No thanks do I have left to present

When you ask you will receive

Big words maybe, rather simple to conceive

You don't control, so why try

Let gods hand allow your wings to fly

Limitless possibilities exist beyond your knowing

By holding on, it's only yourself you're slowing

When you surrender, trust and flow

Allow your free will to just let go

An amazing life begins to unfold

You wanted the rainbow, you get a pot of gold!

But if your heart is filled with resentment and hate

How will happiness and joy pile up on your plate

Release shame and guilt and all the blame

They're choices you made, accept the claim

Forgiveness clears the karmic path of debris

Forgive completely to set yourself free!

Thank everyone that came along your way

For lessons you learnt that make you, you today

For joy and laughter, pain and sorrow

More gratitude today brings more grace tomorrow

Thank each experience that you went through

It helped to create a new version of you

Thank god for love from family and friends

With each heart, a prayer he sends

Not so hard do the words seem anymore

Accept, understand, thank and let go!

Goodbye

I don't want to deal with my past
It forever seems to last
Unforgiving and torturous
Bringing out memories I want to run from
People I want to hide from
So they don't see me and I don't have to deal
With the realities of who I was
But this is who I've come to be
Stronger, smarter, and understanding of me
Still there lies this underlying fear
That I don't really want to see
The who I was before I became me

There's a deep sense of discomfort
And a fear if the cycle were to repeat
The shame, guilt, hurt and anger
Would once again take the drivers seat
What if the car drove off the smooth highway
Back into the by lanes of despair
Coming face to face with the shadows of darkness
With memories of yesterday
Mirrors to show you your weaknesses
Forever waiting to bring you down
Cause they don't know you along this journey
They haven't seen you move along

They believe that you're still the same
For that's all the naked eye can see
The same body, hair, voice and sound
The same reflection of what they knew to be
It takes one moment of their chatter
To shatter your newly built up walls
That keep away the patterns of pain
That keep out the Criticism,  the judgement, the gossip and all
What's the point of revisiting 'old times'?
What's the point of 'for memories sake'?
When people don't grow with you forward
When they hold you back instead of let you leap

Its time to say good bye for now
Until we meet at a new curve
Where there is no expectation or assumption
Where relationships start from scratch over
And maybe we won't cross paths again
That too would serve us right
For our times together have come to an end
Maybe that's all our pact was for
I wish you farewell, I wish you luck
And I let go today, oh dear old friend.

Mirror Mirror

Mirror mirror on the wall
Who is the fairest of them all?

A little girl eager to please
Making good grades with ease

A sullen teenager working hard
Eating aways at loads of lard

A young heart with a sweet crush
For the first time who feels the love rush

An angry young woman who sees her dad
Abuse his health, her mother and make her sad

A girl who loves her little furry pet
Who hears her out and understands things that no one else can get

A teenager on the brink of losing her mind
Leaves the country for peace and love to find

A woman who sits and retrospects
Staring at life from a ship forever anchored and decked

Mirror mirror on the wall,
Who am I, from these all?

And the wise mirror with great compassion replies
Just like life, to it's disciples' wails and cries

You are but a mix of the shadows you cast
Each one a teacher, not forever to last

Turn Into love and look out for light
As each shadow merges into you, making you bright

You are a being of this unmasked glory
Write a new song, start a new story!

If only

If only I could love me
Then maybe you would too

If only I could didnt care that my hair is frizzy
You'd stop criticising me for ignoring it and being too busy

If only I didn't feel bad that my bags were not Chanel or Gucci
You'd stop telling me that I always look old and frumpy

If only I loved me, thin, fat, short and tall
You'd stop staring at every other girl in the hall

If only I paid attention to my own thoughts and emotions
You wouldn't change the topic when I spoke from my heart

If only I ignored the what, and completely loved the who
Then maybe you'd love me, just for me, too

Into the (Spot)Light

Sharing my talents make me shy
For before I show off
I wonder why
Someone would look beyond what the eyes can see
Deep inside - inside of me.

With layers of emotions stored under my skin
Each of those pains, so hard to pin
When I prayed for help, god sent you all
In every shape and size, to hold me when I fall
To help pick up the pieces, help me move forward.

Not a day goes by when I don't thank Him
Let the show begin, let the lights dim!

Addicted To No Love

Pain pain everywhere
Not a thought to think
Then comes along anger
Keeping my temper on the brink
Frustration makes me disconnect
From all the other feelings
Trapped with the only two I know
A couple of simple dealings
Lash out when you refuse to feel
What really lies under
And stay numbed when things go all wrong
It's easier just not to wonder

Cover it all up with cake and cream
Feel the sugar high
Push it all down with a bag of chips
While watching tv shows go by
As the night passes into the day
Lie there numbed and stoned
Who knew salt and sugar would do the trick
It isn't sex, drugs or alcohol
Can't really be called an addiction
It's only food, after all

Till you move off the bed and couch
Till you decide to no longer slouch
The pain won't leave, the anger will stay
But a greater power will keep them at bay
It's the power to feel what you really feel
It's the power to stay calm while you still reel
It's the power to own what can't be bought
It's the power to love you,  no matter what